High Percentage of CS Majors Allergic to Grass
A new study from the National Institute of Astrological Health (NIAH), conducted on 1,000 Computer Science undergraduate students at UIUC, has found that 99.9% of Computer Science majors are actually allergic to grass.
“Grass allergies arise from pollen, causing an immune response,” one researcher explained. “It is one of the most common allergens in the United States, affecting up to 30% of the US population.”
However, the NIAH researchers found that 999 out of the 1,000 study’s participants had a negative response to the allergen, a ratio that is over three times higher than the national average.
“The students began sweating profusely and emitting strange body odors”, the study stated. “Prolonged grass exposure caused the students to wither away and melt.”
Furthermore, grass also seemed to have an intense psychological impact on the students.
When placed in the sunlight and grass for a long period of time, the students began to grow increasingly agitated and distressed. They began to threaten the researchers to end the study, shouting things such as “You can’t do this to me, I’m a former Meta SWE Intern“ and “my total comp is more than yours”.
The 1 CS student who did not have a negative response to grass was later discovered to only be a CS minor.
“We think that CS minors don’t count,” said the researchers.
So far, the reaction to the study has been positive.
“I feel seen,” said one sophomore in CS, “Everyone kept on telling me to touch grass before this study came out, so I feel vindicated by this study.”
“It would also be great if a study could explain why I don’t have a girlfriend,” added another CS major.