Raising Cane's to Open Soon(ish)

January 31, 2023

Raising Cane’s is officially waiting to open until construction is finished, staff is hired, and there is peace in the Middle East. “We just really want to make sure we are ready for this grand opening,” said the store manager. According to inside sources, the much anticipated restaurant Raising Cane’s will indeed be opening soon(ish). “You didn’t hear it from me, but word on the street is that the planned opening date is February 28th, 1.7×10¹⁰⁶ CE, shortly before the heat death of the universe,” said our informant.

This concrete date will surely hearten the many Caniacs anticipating the grand opening. There is already a line of people camping outside the building to be the first to gaze out into the endless void while enjoying the restaurant’s delicious Texas Toast. “I think that after the stars burn out, the black holes evaporate, and the very fabric of our existence decays, some chicken fingers will really hit,” said one camper.

Reportedly, the Cane’s plans to celebrate the opening by giving out copies of Half-Life 3. This is exciting news indeed.