Natural Light Implicated in Habitat-Destroying Beer Spill
News broke tonight that in a heartbreaking environmental disaster, party animals at the AEPi house got stuck to the floor after a large beer spill. Reportedly, pledges were trying to bring over a keg with a tight deadline, and in their rush they were capsized, spilling their precious load.
Sources report that the party animals are helplessly flailing their arms to the beat of “All Night Longer” by Sammy Adams as they remain glued to the sticky floor. No comment has been made by Natural Light, the supplier of the beer that so tragically was spilled in transit.
The Panhellenic Council environmental division sent in a cleanup crew, but the bulk of the damage has already been done, as the environment for the party animals’ mating ceremony is already spoiled. The Council hopes for the spill to be contained and cleaned by Saturday morning.