Study Finds 0% Satisfaction Rate For 8am Chem Lab
The University recently conducted a study to determine student satisfaction and enjoyment of courses on campus. Surprisingly, 0% of the students surveyed about an 8am CHEM 103 lab reported being satisfied with the class.
According to Isabel, class of ‘24, “I started the semester so excited to learn about how molecules interact, but I wake up at 7 every Monday to get to class and I’m just like damn.”
We also interviewed Jacob, class of ‘23, who had severe bags under his eyes. His opinion of CHEM 103 was no less severe: “When I get out of bed before the sun has even risen I have to think that God is dead.”
Even the TA’s showed no enthusiasm for the course. Jennifer, a grad student studying chemistry, noted, “I’m a woman of science and I don’t believe in the supernatural, but when I enter that room it feels like a ghost sucked the life out of every one of those students.”
Thus far, the University has declined to respond to calls for this "great sin against everything good about this world" to be disbanded, but students remain hopeful that the pleas of the chemically damned will one day be heard.