UIUC Very Well-Endowed
Rumors about UIUC’s endowment circulated throughout campus today. According to one student, the endowment has ballooned to the massive size of $3.82 billion. That’s well above average for schools of UIUC’s stature.
Some students have expressed concern about how the University fits that huge thing in its treasury. Anna remarked, “Not that I spend a lot of time looking down there, but if I did I’m sure I would see a huge bulge from trying to fit such a monstrous quantity of stuff in its confines. It must be so filled up right now…” At this point, Anna trailed off and blushed.
The administrators have noted that a strong endowment is like a thick tree trunk that sows the seeds for future generations of Illini. As to the precise size of the endowment, the administrators have not given any official comment except for a sly smirk and the words “it’s big, alright”.