UIUC Changes Mascot to Sexy Orange M&M
In the past year, M&M has made a number of changes to the spokescandies commonly featured in their commercials. They swapped out the brown M&M’s stilettos for blockier heels and the green M&M’s boots for sneakers, among a few other changes.
These changes to the beloved characters provoked intense controversy. “Sexy M&M’s were the backbone of our society” noted one commentator. ”M&M will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous.”
In response to the controversy, M&M indefinitely suspended the use of their spokescandies. UIUC, of course, lunged at the opportunity, making the Orange M&M our new mascot. What M&M so heartlessly kicked to the curb, the administration adopted with loving care. Even better, UIUC redesigned the orange M&M to have 8 inch stilettos, fishnet stockings, and thick black eyeliner.
The administration stated that, “after a decade and a half of searching we finally found a true successor to the Chief. Sexy Orange M&M is what we as a university, and really as a society, need right now. Go Fighting Sexy Orange M&M’s!”